HIMYM The Adventures of Sr Mosby
by Mesmorized
Summary: Ted shares some of his favorite stories of the gangs interacting with their doppelgängers. Theodore Mosby is an awesome wingman and hopeless romantic. But what happens when you combine the two? You get a Mexican standoff, a lovers quarrel, international criminals and a epic adventure rolled into one. Follow his tale as he reunites a family and discovers what it means to be a friend
1. Chapter 1

Children, there comes a time when everyone has to tell a story their not so proud of. This is one of those , stories. I cant tell you much but, i can say it involves me, a Spanish wrestler, a goat.. no wait the goats another story. A perfect family I had ( before this one , you guys are great too), a bad tan, a mustache, a perm i regret tremendously, Barney as a Matador, a Mexican Stand-off, some illegal narcotics ( by the way drugs are bad I never want to hear want to hear about either of you two taking them.)and in Barneys words everything was "legend" wait-for-it-because-theres-no-other-way-for-me-to-tell-this-awesome-adventure-in just-one-take-dary". Who am i kidding there's no way for me to just throw a few words together and expect you to understand what I'm talking about.

It all happened pretty fast, and at the time it was all to impress another pretty face

"Ugh, I give that a 6 out of 10 on a bang-o-meter" Barney makes a grimace face about a brunette standing at the bar with what seems to be a couple of work friends at happy hour. She wore a plaid pink and gray knee skirt, and light pink cashmere shirt that hugged her upper bodice wonderfully. He then turns his head right, in Teds direction," but good for you taking one for the team,hey, wing man high five" .He raises his hand awaiting a slap that would never come.

"Whats wrong with her Barney, she looks pretty hot" Marshall makes a quick observation. "not better than my Lily pad though"

"Marshall have I taught you nothing, and BTW i cant agree with you on Lily until Ive seen her naked and waiting in my bed" he quips " what say you bring her by my place right after i finish my scotch and bang my housekeeper" he raises his glass.

"OK my wife is plenty hot with clothes on , in fact i prefer her that way." Marshall wasn't lying about that, there were plenty of times as foreplay he'd like to have her wear some "Minnesota Long johns", snow boots, a viking hat and puffy coat you could see in any 90s film. And they play there little game called "find the kitty on lily." It was really quite disturbing, more so when he'd ask her to make moose or elk like noises. By the way this was in June, in our broken AC apartment.

"Thank you marshmallow," Lily says with a pleased expression. They then lean over to do their normal cutesy Eskimo kiss and as usual, disgust Barney.

"ugh the only time I wanna see a woman with clothes on in my bed is,..." he pauses to think" will i wouldn't"

"OK!, Barney your crazy that girl is smoking hot" Ted exclaims.

"yea tell him ted you don't care about looks its whats in the heart that matters." Lily pitches. Then Robin enters in to MacLarens ( which i failed to mention we were at) and sits down next to Barney.

"So what are we talking bout ? " she inquires, sitting her red leather Defano Jacket on the table with her.

"Oh cute coat" Lily says with her wide eyed for fashion."Thanks Lil, its from this new Designer whose all the rage in Paris, this is a one of a kind Defano leather jacket given to me after our interview him."

"so why does that girl have one too" she points out a pretty blonde with blue eyes and gorgeous smile .She was clearly wearing the same exact red leather " one of a kind" Delano jacket. She was standing in the back of the bar between the restrooms and jukebox. Surrounded by a few guys buying her drink ,stroking her hair ,admiring her coat and of course trying to hit on her. Robin looks back and smiles "excuse me for one moment "She gets up from her seat and takes off towards her.

"What is so wrong with her Barney, shes everything you look for in a girl, tipsy, has friends, cute face ,nice body-"

"Blah blah blah ," Barney interrupts "clearly you ONLY! see the looks. Have you not heard her laugh. Sorry but any chick i want to call me daddy by the end of the night cant sound like cross breed between a horse, pig and baby bear"

"when did you hear her laugh?" Ted ask with a confused look.

Just then Robin sits back down, this time holding two Defano jackets. One ripped to shreds and the other one hers. "Sorry, now what are we talking about? "

" please tell me she wasn't wearing that, when _you_! happened to her?"

she chuckles and shrugs her shoulders "Ted..come on"

"shes hot Barney why cant you see that?" Ted continues on to his previous conversation ignoring the possiblity she may have assulted a woman.

"whose hot..?" Robin asks

'Oh pink sweater and plaid skirt, drinking with friends " answers Lily.

Robin looks over towards the bar "I..Dunno I'd give that a 6 out of 10 on the bang-o-meter" She replies.

Barney Jerks in agreement "Thank you, Robin..clearly i need to exchange in Teds wing man card "

"Barney!"

"I'm sorry buddy your on the bench til further notice" barney remarks .

He looks over towards the young lady and for a moment they link eyes.  
"I'm gonna go talk to her." Ted stands up and walks towards the bar and introduces himself to the young lady in Cashmere and Plaid.

He leans up on the chair next to the mystery woman he's fond over since she entered the bar. She turns around and smiles at him showing a bit a of an underbite but nothing serious.. her eyes brows thick but hes only looking directly into her green Iris. Ted opens his mouth and says." Hi, let me buy you your next drink"

And children that's all i remember, when i finally awoke from what seemed like days later of a complete drunken black out. I found myself in An unknown location. I had no recollection of how I ended up over 2,000 miles from my home. I also had a "super glued!" on mustache ,a deep orange tan that seemed it would never fade and a grossly outdated perm.

Ted awakens from a severe and what seemed a never ending hangover with a bottle of tequila in one hand and an empty burlap sack in another. He arises from a queen sized bed missing it's sheets and comforters and only a pancho covering himself. The sounds of a busy bustling city with people's car horns blurring and speaking in their custom language .He could make out a few words but, only those that were short and decisive. He looks to his left to see an open window with the head of a burro neighing at him. He looked around inside of the motel room he found himself at..the carpet a deep emerald color, was dusty and stained with mud . The ceiling low with dim lights ,a few of the bulbs broken like they had been shot out . The walls a cream color and some what faded or coated with film from cigarette smoke, he couldn't make out which at the moment. There was also a few other things he took into account. Broken glass from bottles ;beer and liquor alike, a busted bathroom sink and the door hanging off it's hinges. A small kitchenette with a burned thru pot on the stove and when he looked to his left he saw a taupe chair and familiar face."Barney?" .

Barney was in a matador outfit also nursing a bottle of tequila in one hand and a strange woman in another.  
"not so loud" he attempts to whisper." you'll wake up uh..uh" he pokes the woman and she awakens yawning from her sleeper state. " Whats your name ?" he ask

"Miyana" she replies in a sweet and flushed voice."Miyana..you'll wake Miyana" he says

"where are we? and why do i have a sack while you have" he pauses and points with his burlap in had" a Miyana?"

"My dearest Ted don't you remember her from the wedding" he responds" she was the bride"

"Barney where are we?"

"look outside" he says with a smug look ,that could only mean trouble. Ted leaps from the bed and quickly opens the door. He sees men women and children all speaking Spanish, a few people entertaining on the street serenading passbyers and looking for tips ,a man pulls the burro from the window and walks away excusing himself. There's a fountain with statues of naked people spouting out water from their mouths and other unmentionable body parts ,a few yards away from there some people are sitting and looking at maps clearly visitors to a native land and looking for something to do . There's vendors of people selling anything from food like churros and tacos to clothes like sandals panchos and hanging in the center and straight ahead was a huge welcome sign saying

 **la bienvenida a la ciudad de México**

He quickly slams the door and turns to look at Barney. "Where in Mexico. Why are we in Mexico Barney?

Barney rolls he eyes and sighs " Ted do you not recall when your Doppelgänger came into MacLarens?"  
"If i recalled, why would i be asking ?" he says ambivalent.  
"Calm Down, nothing a little tequila cant fix,here take mines" he reaches his arm out to offer a swig of the alcoholic beverage that was left.  
"I don't want your Tequila, i want answers" ted says fiercely.  
"Fine" Barney sighs disappointed " I know this may come as a shock to you ,but your actually a funnier guy when your total shit faced drunk. Anyways" he starts" whats the last things you remember?"  
Ted thinks for a second , flashes of memories were coming to him . _A party, no the wedding. A plane, no it was obviously a private jet. Maybe a Bull.. why would there be a bull. Then again why was Barney in a Matador outfit. A ring of chickens and men shouting. Was i at a cock fight?.. focus he thinks to himself, a crowd of people screaming Teodor.. a bar Drinks, drinks a girl , plaid pink, MacLarens that's it._  
"MacLarens pub, the girl in plaid i was talking to." He answer's.  
"Ooh, really" Barney face makes a tight wince." Wow that was like 2 days ago"  
"WHAT?" ted shouts at his seeming calm friend.  
"Yea , you were talking to that 3 chick "  
"i thought you said 6" ted says  
"yea i gave her an 8 after we had a drinks and when you introduced us but, that laugh man" he shrugs" cant shake it, and it was so much worse than i thought" he begins to standup removing the Miyana in her wedding gown from his lap.  
Yea i was being generous with that 6 had to take it back" he says" Anyways you were talking with her for a while, and you guys were throwing back shots like kids at a frat party just back to back to .."  
"i get it Barney continue"  
"Will you came back to the table and introduce us to her completely in a drunken stoop-er, where all talking and drinking then suddenly the most profound and beautiful thing happens" Barney smiles " He! walks in " Barneys dazes off  
"he whose he?" Ted coax for an answers  
"Robot Wrestler...Ted!"  
"no way" ted said amazed  
"yes way and it was awesome"  
"not legendary"  
"Ted this whole trip has been legend" wait-for-it-because-theres-no-other-way-for-me-to-tell-this-awesome-adventure-in just-one-take-dary. Lengendary."  
"Barney I don't remember anything, so how can it be legendary"  
"dude i recorded it"  
"really?" Ted figuratively almost wanted to jump out of his skin. Maybe from being excited ,wanting to see what he couldn't remember. Then again he thought ,he was also to nervous to know what happened.

"yea! ,but then Miyana and myself decided to make a little home video and we needed the tape"  
"so ,recorded over it?"  
"yea, but,if it puts your mind at ease. I really...debated hard about doing it"  
"it doesn't" Ted says melancholy "but please continue.  
"Will after Sr Gucho walked in we all started taking pics, pounding back more shots and 1 girl.."  
"3..i mean 6"  
"ted..come on"  
"go on"  
"she starts noticing how similar your two look and starts making weird suggestions like.. _oh you should go get a tan_ and _oh you'd look great with a mustache_ and _why not get a perm too, you could totally be twinsies_ " he mimicks her with his womanly impression  
he snarks " twinsies how weird is that right"  
"Barney!"  
"Will so you go get the hair job ,we super glue some hair on your upper lip get you a spray tan. Five hours and two days later wham-bamo where in Mexico, your Sr. Gucho happily married with 2 kids and I'm able to live out one of my fantasies from my Play Book ;Casanova Ricardo" he says with a slight Spanish accent.

"Wait what happily married?"

Just like clock work, there's a knock at the door. Ted hesitates for a quick second, realizing nothing good ever happens after hes finally awoken from a hangover. He quickly turns the knob to answer the door.  
Standing in-front of him a beautiful Hispanic woman .5'6 ,dark black hair, high cheek bones of rose colored and black eyes with running mascara as if to be crying for some time and a petite frame.  
In her arms she holds a little girl no older than 10 months and beside her almost sort of hiding behind her long blue skirt a little boy about 7 years of age. And a perfect resemblance of herself.

She smiles and rushes towards him arms open. "Fernando you've come home" she cries out joyfully.  
Ted looks back towards Barney who in returns gives him the thumbs up.  
He looks at him ,then at the woman holding him with the children in Arm and has a serious moment, when he realized hes made a huge mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

Ted looks back at Barney after giving the woman with the children a quick pause and once over. His heart pounding and hands perspiring. He wasn't sure if it was a sign of an early stroke or maybe even the side affects of some drug he probably ingested. He pulled away from the mother and put up his index finger "uno momento por favor". She nodded as he begin to walk over towards Barney and pulls him aside. "Hey Barney, maybe I didn't ask earlier or you didn't answer but first, why are we in Mexico and secondly ooh WHY IS SHE CALLING ME FERNANDO?" he began to yell.

Barney moves Ted further away from the women and children. " Sshhh... will you please keep your voice down and" Barney whispers." Theodore my friend if I was to tell you all the events and mystery that took place in the last few days, you'd run for the hills and you'd ruin the whole point of all of this" Barney playfully pats the side of Teds right cheek.

"All of what Barney?, I still have no clue what's goin now or what took place then" Ted could feel his face turning red" this isn't a joke , its not funny and has been goin on long enough. Ha Ha Teds clueless and easily deceived, he'll never catch on." Within those last words suddenly his face is no longer was hot and he can feel a smile crack on his face. "Ooohh! I see!" he steps back almost ready to burst out laughing. This time Barney was the confused one.

"See what Ted?" He asked with a raised eyes brow and a quizzical stare.

"Oh come on, the ruse, this game you set up.. This who scheme of yours. This is some well thought out joke, from one of your little plays. From your little play book. This is all magic and illusions"

Barney blinked a few times and grabbed his friend lightly by the arm " Ted look at me and understand these words and take them to heart, this isn't a joke"

Ted rolled his eyes and allowed his head to fall slightly back taking his body with him " Give it up Barney, I caught you its over. This isn't MEXICO!, that woman wasn't a bride" he points to Miyana "this lady here is probably single and those aren't her kids" he points to the woman and children. Ted starts to clap " How clever with the accent and customs. Your not even a Matador"

Barney begins to chuckles nervously. "wh-what are you talking about Ted of course..I'm..a..real..matador" he leans in and whispers "dude seriously." He looks back at Miyana who in return now also looks confused. "Miyana has a thing for his suit so..chill, ok"

"still pretending?" Ted speaks louder "Give it up man, the custom and I mean well done ladies" he places is left hand over his heart. "You all REALLY committed to your parts. The nearly burnt kitchen, the burro in the window" he looks down on the stand next to the chair Barney and Miyana were sat in earlier and saw a prop gun. He reaches over and grabs it. "The phony weapon."

"Hey Ted that's not fake please be careful." He suggests to his somewhat paranoid friend.

"Barney, Barney, Barney" ted repeats "when will you give up this charades, I've seen thru your all of the characters" he points the gun upwards. " Ill prove it to you right now." He pulls the trigger.

BANG. A huge sound from the so-called prop fires off. Pieces of the ceiling fall and begins to break over his head.

The lady with children holds on to them tightly, the little boy hides behind his mother's skirt and the infant lets out a scream, while the woman hold's her head close to her chest. Miyana clings on to Barneys arms and waist as he in return inches closer to his befuddled friend and removes the fire arms from his hand. " Again Ted ,...this is a real gun, with even realer bullets. And lucky for you we didn't have to put down a deposit."

Ted still in shock by what he did just did for a moment finds himself frozen in place with chills running over his body and ears slightly ringing. When he finally snaps back, he looks up at the ceiling with lightly fallen debris and around the room with women and children cringing. Embarrassed and mostly ashamed he quickly exits the hotel room and takes to the streets. Barney takes a few moments to assure everyone is ok and then follows his friend.

He chases Ted for about 15 minutes up the block. "Ted" he calls to friend " Ted, T-Ted where are you going will you please stop." Ted doesn't answer he simply continues forward in a dazed state." Ted will you come on." He jumps in front of him " Stop. And listen to me."

"I cant stop Barney because if I do, I'll have to think about what I just did, and I don't want to" Ted answers in a upset tone.

"So what are you just gonna keep walking all the way back to New York?"

"I don't know , all I know is I just shot a gun. With women and children in the room" his voice breaks as he pushes his friend with force." and its your fault"

"my fault?"

"Yes where in Mexico because of you, I have no recollection of these last few days because of you I shot off a loaded weapon because of you"

"you really want to play the name game" Barney slightly joked.

"Its nothing to kid about""

"Ok, so where in Mexico and you cant remember anything but no one told you to pick up the gun, I told you it was real and you still played with it like a toy. Stop always pointing fingers and take some responsibility for your actions. " Barney took a serious approach .

Teds begin to feel a tremble. His heart races faster and head went spinning. He sat down flat in the dirt and begin's to tear up. "You know what if I pointed it at one of them, the women.. god forbid the children." hot tears rolled down his cheeks" what if I shot one of them or you for that matter." he raised his legs and tucked his head down sobbing with his thoughts." Id be a killer Barney."

Barney takes a squat next to his friend. " Do you think I really allow that to happen?" he try's to confide in his broken buddy." You wouldn't,...No, you COULDNT! hurt anyone. I know you better than you know yourself. You would never aim a gun at anyone real or fake. Remember the Halloween we dressed up as cowboys and Indians. You insisted on carrying a water gun because the metallic one that came with your suit looked too real."

Ted chuckled briefly." All night you had everyone calling us Squanto and the waterboy"

"Yea, but it worked out when those girls came wearing nothing but bikinis and a t-shirt"

"who has wet t shirt contest in October, better question who wears bikinis in 40 degree weather?"

"I don't but god bless the man who closed shop early so they had to." Barney gives a salute looking in the distance.

Ted smiles again, a little more at ease each time.

"Trust me, Theodore Evelyn Mosby"

"don't call me that" Ted interrupts.

"I'd never allow any harm to come to my friends or let them hurt anyone that could potentially put them on death row in Mexico" Barney stands up and reaches his hand out for Teds.

He reaches out and grabs hold of it, stands to his feet and hugs his friend. As he brushes the dirt from his pants he takes a look around the area, realizing people were watching them as they passed by. " So , this is all real, we are literally in Mexico City?"

"Will yea except the Matador part obviously"

"obviously" ted repeats

"And as you know your defiantly not Fernando"

"again Obvious" Ted replies. "So i'm not married?"

"oh no will.."Barney sucks his teeth "will your not, but..Fernando Ortiz aka Sr. Gucho, is, who his wife thinks you are!"

"and see that's what I don't get...WHY BARNEY does she think I'm her husband?" Ted asks almost shouting.

"sshh keeping your voice down, look if you want answers.."

"and I do"

" I will be more than happy to answer them, but its crucial right now that you commit to being Sr. Gucho. Will talk more about why when we get back to the hotel. Miyana and your wife are probably worried sick"

"funny"

As the two friends make their way back to the hotel. They can see what appears to be police cars in the distance. Once inside the room they see cops and motel staff all shouting at the top of their lungs and over one another. Ted assumed it was about the state of the room. The women were also talking amongst the crowd.

"Hay..ah en burro hablas?" ted asked in his best Spanish. The room went silent for a second before a few people broke out in laughter.

" ¿Olvidaste tu español también?" asked the mother.

"I'm sorry my ear for Spanish isn't what it use to be" he attempts to excuse himself.

"been In America to long my husband, you've even lost your accent"

"you speak English" Ted asked astonished

"yes fluently , you know this"

"right, because your my wife..is there a way you can translate for me that will pay for the damages made to the room and I'm sooo sorry. And id rather not go to Mexican jail before ive been to an American one"

"I've already told them that, but that's not what everyone's upset about right now"

"Then what is it?"

"Will apparently your American friend and the bride there is wanted by the cops, her fathers a very rich and powerful man. He has everyone out looking for them including half his security detail and private military "

"No way is that true Barney..?" He turns around and to see Barney and Miyana have both mysteriously vanished." where'd he go?

"Wow their quick I didn't even see them slip out." Shortly after the police follow. The motel staff stay for a bit till the mother pulls out a check book and write a check for the damages.

"I'm soo sorry about this Mrs., I promise to pay you back"

"pay me back for what, I used the money you put in the account"

"right, again thanks."

"what's goin on with you, first you can barely Spanish now you don't remember my name?"

"its been a while I can honestly say I don't remember anything"

"Ill give you a hint I'm named after your favorite telemundo star "

"I'll say again its been a while I can honestly say I don't remember anything"

She's laughs " Sophia, what did you do in America?"

"Its been a while.." he tries to repeat

"its ok, if you don't want to tell me, I can HONESTLY say I'm sure I don't want to know" she said more subtle and kind of sad. "how long will you be here this time?"

"I'm not 100% on that answer."

"will I'll enjoy the time with you that I can have." she wraps her arms around his waist lightly not to squeeze he child she was holding.

Suddenly the baby breaks into tears again. " Shh Leila saldrá pronto" she attemts to calm the child.

"she sounds grumpy"

"yes we've been out all night trying to find you, by the way why didn't you tell me you were coming home ?"

"Wait how did you find me anyway" Ted questions neglecting hers.

"You were on the Tv at the wrestling match, I went to the stadium it was recorded at, and asked around where you might be from there , which eventually led me here"

"quite the tracker aren't you?"

"will journalist"

"your a reporter?"

she laughs again, the memory of the man she loved had dulled down quite a bit, it lost her a few times but at the same intrigued her, as if he was a whole new person and they were getting to know each other once again. She placed 2 fingers in front of his face. "did you get a concussion? how many fingers am I holding up"

"two, no four or is it 8?"he joked

She gently slapped his shoulder rocking the child in her arms, then begins to yawn. "you think you can drive home? I'm tired."

"home?" Ted repeats

"yes , the place that has 4 walls and a roof, don't tell me you forgot where we lived too?"

Ted didn't want to come off as a complete stranger even if he was technically an imposter but at the same time he told Barney he would keep this up for a while though he didn't know why. And worse of all who could barely remember what happened the last few days let alone another persons life.

"Its ok its programed in the gps as home, and ill put it in English for you" Sophia could only think to herself how much he looked like Fernando but how different he actually was from him? She reaches in the pocket of her skirt and hands him the keys. The boy who was hiding behind his mom now shows his face, though slightly still shaken by the events, he peeks over at his father whom he hadn't seen in a few months. Ted notices him then gets down on one knee.

"hey um.."

"Lucio" Sophia finishes

"Lucio and Leila ?"

she nods her head.

"that's awesome" Ted exclaims thinking about his favorite movie of all time , he looks back over at the boy "Lucio, I'm so sorry about early, my friend has a tendency to play jokes on me and I thought the gun was fake. but still that's no excuse for scaring you, your sister and mother..are you okay?" The boy looks up at his mom.

"tu padre se disculpa por habernos asustado antes" Sophia translate" hes not exactly fluent yet".

The boy walks from behind his mom and to his father whom he wraps his arm around his neck.

"Lucio Padre se ve diferente no se" she taps his nose. Sophia starts to walks towards the door and looks back seeing her husband and son stare at eachother. "If you two dont hurry i cant start dinner"

"Coming" Ted answeres. Following closely behind sophia with the boy in his arms. and for a moment he didnt think about Barney and Miyana on the run from her father,a few days of memory lost, or even that he wasnt really Fernando. He only thought about the boys smile, the wife and beautiful daughter who was fast asleep in her arms. Everything hes ever wanted was now at his fingertip.


End file.
